Clarity
by Hotly81173
Summary: Hotch has a moment of clarity.


Summary: Hotch has a moment of clarity.

A/N: This is my take on what could have happened on the show that they didn't show. Or at least it should have happened.

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds. This story is for entertainment purposes only.

Clarity

"She never made it off the table." the words JJ spoke echoed around the small waiting room as everyone took in the full impact of what her words meant.

Hotch stood there, not sure if he had the words correctly. He dropped his head and looked at the floor before turning and walking into the hallway. He couldn't believe that they had been too late to prevent her, Emily, from being impaled by the table leg to her stomach. His thoughts went back to a few hours earlier as he stood there.

As Hotch road in the ambulance with her, he thought she was going to make it. That was until she had flatlined, then he thought he might lose her. That they, the team, might lose her. The paramedics brought her back so he thought there still might be a chance. He sat there on the gurney across from her and held her hand, telling her to fight for him. To fight for the team. Told her that she had gone through all of this for a reason and to not give up now. The ambulance arrived at the hospital and he got pushed out of the way as they rushed her to surgery.

Hotch snapped out of his thoughts and stood there staring at the door where they had wheeled Emily through. His heart broke as he thought about Emily's lifeless body lying somewhere behind those doors. JJ followed Hotch into the hallway after she consoled Reid and she just stood there and stared up at him and then she stunned him.

"She made it Hotch, she alive. Barely. They lost her again on the table. It's touch and go. I already did what you asked and it's a go as soon as she is stable. I'm going to see if the others need anything." JJ told him and all he could do was nod before he turned and walked off down the hall.

He roamed the halls for a while giving the rest of his team time to leave before he went back and met with JJ outside of the OR.

"Where is she?" he asked, his mind numb and not able to cover up his feelings any longer.

"She's in a private room. I had the State Department send me some men over liked you asked. Two of them are guarding her room now, there are four more outside the hospital. Well keep her safe Hotch." JJ said as they walked down the hall toward the room where Emily was at.

"Will we?" Hotch mumbled more to himself than to her.

The two men guarding her room recognized JJ and stepped to the side to give her and Hotch access to the room. Hotch pushed open the door and walked into the room slowly, followed by JJ who gasped as she came into the room.

"Oh my God, Hotch. She is so pale." JJ said as she walked closer to the bed.

"But at least she is alive JJ." Hotch said as he moved near the hospital bed.

JJ watched Hotch as he looked at Emily. She saw the tears in his eyes and suddenly felt like this was a private moment between the two of them. She wasn't shocked by his emotions, they all had seen the looks between the two of them. Oh the team knew that the two of them would never cross that line, but seeing Hotch now, JJ wasn't so sure. She could see her two friends together. JJ watched as Hotch looked down at Emily. She watched as the tears slid down his cheeks and she stepped back away from the bed.

"I'll wait for you in the hall Hotch. I need to make some more calls." JJ said as she walked toward the door and all Hotch could do was nod his head at her.

The room was quiet except for the sound of the life support machine. He listened to the rhythmic sound of the respirator and the steady beating of the heart monitor. The sound was almost soothing for a moment. Emily looked so frail as she laid there, her skin so pale in the dim lighting. Hotch raised his hand up and brushed her hair back from her forehead. Her battered face and body had no reaction to the contact and his heart broke as he looked at the bruises on her. He had read her file and knew what Doyle had done to her. He knew about the branding and how the doctors had tried to repair the damage cosmetically. It said in the file that she walls still have a small scar but it would longer be that of a clover. It was now just a small mark over her breast and he was thankful for that.

"God Emily, why didn't you come to me? I would have helped you, you know that. We all would have helped you. You shouldn't have run Emily. I know why you did it but you still should have come to me." Hotch said as he sat down in the chair next to her bed.

Taking her hand in his again he laid his head down on the bed beside her. He knew he couldn't stay long just in case Doyle or one of his men were watching the hospital. He couldn't stay and jeopardize her safety further... but he couldn't leave. Not yet. The tears fell from his eyes into their joined hands but he didn't care. All he cared about right now was the fact that he didn't lose her. That she was still alive.

"I promise you Emily, we will get him. If it's the last thing I do I will get him." he said, not knowing if she could hear him or not. "I'm so sorry Emily. I should have known that you were in trouble. Maybe I did. Deep down maybe I knew something was going on but I figured you would come to me if it was something bad. Then you just disappeared and I knew. I knew I should have said something to you. I should have asked questions. If I had you wouldn't be lying here right now. You wouldn't have almost died." Hotch's words were low but he knew she would hear them if she could hear what was going on around her.

Time had seemed to stand still as he sat there, her hand in his, his thumb rubbing the back of her hand absentmindedly. As he sat there with his head lying in the bed, Hotch had a moment of clarity. He knew what he had to do.

"Emily, I don't know if you can hear me or not but I want you to know... I love you Emily. I'll see you as soon as I can. I'll be back before you get transferred out of here." Hotch said as he heard a knock on the door.

JJ stuck her head in the door, "Hotch, we need to go. Everything is set up as you wanted. It's a go as soon as she is stable enough to travel." she said from by the door.

Hotch stood up and leaned over Emily before he kissed her on the cheek. He then leaned near her ear and whispered, "I love you. Don't ever forget that," and then he was gone.

It had been three weeks since Emily Prentiss had died. Three weeks since her family and friends had thought she had died. Emily was finally awake and had been informed of her untimely end by JJ. JJ has been by twice to see her but only for a few minutes. The few minutes she had with Emily meant everything to her but the only person she wanted to see, needed to see was Hotch. She needed to see his face one more time before she was sent to only God knows where.

It was now the day of her transfer out of the hospital, she only had a few minutes before she was to be moved. She had all but given up on seeing Hotch before she had to leave. She doubted she would ever get to see him or her friends again. She heard the knock on the door and thought it was the Dr. coming to sign off on her release. She didn't say anything and kept her back to the door. She heard the door open and close and latch.

"Emily? Are you awake?" came the only voice she had wanted to hear.

"Hotch?" she said as she rolled over and sat up on the bed.

"Hi. How are you feeling?" Hotch asked as he moved over to stand beside her.

"You came? I'm doing okay. I'm glad that you came." her voice was soft and he could hear how she strained to get the words out.

"Well you look better than the last time I saw you." he said as he tried to lighten the mood a little.

"Yeah, it's weird what a few weeks of sleep can do for you." she joked back at him.

"We'll catch him Emily." Hotch's voice was sincere and it reassured her that this was for the best.

"I know Hotch. Thank you for coming to see me off. The Dr. should be here soon to release me." Emily said and looked down at her hands in her lap.

"Emily it won't be forever. We'll catch him and you will come back where you belong." he said as he sat down on the edge of the bed and took her hands in his. "I'm going to miss you." his words were soft and tender and they brought tears to Emily's eyes.

"Oh Hotch, how am I going to do this without you... Without the team there to reassure me. I know I brought this on myself. I don't know how you can sit there and be so nice to me after I lied to you all. I hid my past..." she said with tears in her eyes but Hotch interrupted her.

"Emily stop. We a know why you did what you did. Do I wish you had come to me? Yes. But we can't change that now. All we can do is be thankful that you are alive and safe now. You can do this without us Emily. You are strong and resilient on your own. You have proved that going up against Doyle alone. I don't know if any of us could have done what you did." Hotch said trying to reassure her again.

There was a tap on the door and Emily's doctors came in and signed her release and transfer papers, telling her she had ten minutes to say goodbye before she had to go. After the doctor left all Emily could do was cry and Hotch pulled her into his arms. Emily stiffened slightly, shocked, before she relaxed and wrapped her arms around Hotch's neck. She cried as he tried to soothe her, tears in his eyes as well.

"I'm going to miss you Hotch. So very much." she cried into the curve of his neck.

"I'll miss you too Emily. I know we won't have any contact with you but if you ever need anything... anything at all, call this number." he said as he handed her a folded up piece of paper. "It's a burn phone and only you will have the number. It's for 'just in case'." he said as he pushed her hair behind her ear and cupped her face in the palm of his hand.

They looked at each other for what seemed like hours, until there was a tap on the door. It was their sign that he had to leave.

"Emily..." he began and Emily put her finger over his lips.

"No Hotch, please don't say anything you might regret." she whispered as the tears fell from her eyes once again.

Hotch took her hand away from his mouth, "I love you Emily Prentiss." he said ignoring her request.

Emily sat there in shock as the words he uttered sank in. How could she leave now? The tears fell harder as she threw her arms around his neck and winced in pain at her fast movements.

"Easy. Don't ant to rip out the staples and stitches." he whispered as he hugged her back gently.

"Hotch... I love you too." she whispered in his ear.

Pulling back slightly, he looked into her eyes before lowering his lips to hers. The kiss was slow and tender and it was years in the making. The only thing either would regret was that it took them so long to get to this point and then have it all torn away with one word.

Hotch pulled back, "You have to go. Memorize the number and then burn the paper. Call me if you need me Emily." he stood up and didn't bother to wipe away the tears he too was crying. "I love you Emily. Be safe and I will see you soon." he said as he backed toward the door.

"I love you too Aaron." she called after him.

She watched as he walked away, the door closing on her old life as she looked down at the paper in her hand. She opened the paper and saw the number scribbled at the top of the paper and then read what was written underneath in his messy handwriting. 'Be safe and always remember that you are loved. Until I see you again, with all of my love, Aaron.' Emily laid her head back and cried harder for what she had almost had.

"Goodbye, my love." she whispered into the empty room.

She knew in her heart that he would move heaven and earth to bring her back to him. Ten minutes later as Emily looked out the rear window to the SUV, she caught sight of Aaron's car parked by the guard shack to the hospital entry drive. She knew he was watching her leave. She found comfort in knowing he was there. She didn't feel as alone knowing he was there. As they drive past she knew he couldn't see her through the dark tint on the windows but she smiled anyway as she saw him smile at her.

"Goodbye." Hotch said from where he watched the convoy of SUVs pull out and drive away. Taking part of his life with them.


End file.
